Today is a day of mixed emotions.

No, I'm not pregnant, so those emotions are stagnant.

I have made some amazing friends on this shitty roller coaster called life. Some of the best, ironically, have become my friends and bonded with me over monthly longing, jealousy, bitterness and happiness of the land of infertility. One friend, just found out today that her invitro was a BIG FAT BUST. She is funny, kind, snarky, spunky and honest. She will make a wonderful mother to a very lucky child someday. My heart is breaking for her and her husband. Like most people, she doesn't have the extra cash lying around to do as many IVF's as it takes. She's AMA and didn't stim well. Her two surviving embies didn't turn into her much hoped for twins. I just can't get over how sad I feel for her. It's things like this that make me want to scream and throw a fit. I can only imagine all of the friggin' losers that decided to pee on something today and saw 2 lines.... It should have been her, instead.

Now for the other emotion, happiness and disbelief. 2nd friend, who lost a baby at 20+ weeks, just found out that she expecting. They had given up after the pain of their loss. Decided to go the foster adopt route.... hell, she's not had a BFP in over three years before having her miracle taken from her.... then on the week she planned to throw in the towel, on a whim, she took a test and she discovered she's pregnant. She's scared shitless and thanking the moon and the stars for another chance to bring one home. Please, let this one end on a happy note. It makes the other crap hurt a little bit less.