Sunday, March 30, 2008

I'm just tired.

Tired of living the single life. Tired of trying to save money that isn't there. Tired of work. Tired of being tired all the time... and mostly just tired. I'm to the point of Barry's deployment that I have forgotten what it is like to wake up next to him. The smell of his cologne has faded. The dogs will no doubt bark at him and be confused when he gets home. This is the hardest part... knowing that the longest stretch is still to come. At first, the absence is new, I kind of enjoy getting caught up on all of the "me" time. I finish up odd projects, I start a few new hobbies, I still have a few random pieces of Barry just lying around... his shoes, work jacket, his favorite beer in the fridge... then it gets to now. I have put all of the laundry away, the beer was consumed by a visitor and his pillow is just that, a pillow. That makes me unbearably sad.

A year is a very small part of our life together, but it is almost too much to take. Is it October, yet?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I must be stupid...

You now, apparently struggles with IF go hand-in-hand with ignorance. How else can I explain the interesting conversation between myself and a close family member???

When asked about our IVF timeline, I recapped a lot of "what-if's" and "hopefully's" pertaining to the end of Barry's deployment. Obviously, I can't make a baby without at least one male contribution. Seeing as Barry is currently a bazillion miles away, we can't really do much until his return. Anyway, back to my story. After explaining everything to this person, she proceeds to tell me that her friend, let's call her, X, had to "almost do IVF". I took the hook, and asked about it, because I didn't know that X had difficulty with TTC.

This is the story...

"Yeah, X was so worried that she was going to need IVF. She tried for almost 6 months... and even had to take her temperature every day and have sex at really specific times. GAHHHH, the horror... Smilie Wait, why didn't I think of that?? You mean, there is a specific time of the month that sex is necessary for a baby? No way! Who knew? I must be a Dumbass

After biting my tongue, I smiled and said, "Um, that is there first step on a really loooong road that unfortunately ENDS in IVF"... then like I had been speaking to deaf ears, she asks me..... wait, any guesses???...

"Have you tried any of that stuff???"

I am so happy to know that temping will not only make me ovulate, but it will also surpass my remaining fucked-up tube AND allow for Barry's sperm to swim across the ocean!!

Shame to all that knew that and never enlightened me.stupid

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Work is stressful...

I'm so tired right now. I love my job... but the last nine weeks is 90% paperwork and conferences, 9% testing, and MAYBE 1% direct time with students. It bites. I have almost killed two different agencies for not having their ducks in a row. I hate it when other people make me look incompetent!

Anyway, I am a stress eater... not good. I don't want to put even an ounce of weight back on, but I find myself nibbling without even realizing it. So today, I bought baby carrots and celery in an attempt to have healthy, low-calorie food available to munch. Kudos to me. I also find that due to sheer exhaustion after dealing with idiots and assholes all day, I haven't been feeling like dragging myself to the gym like I should. I have been doing light cardio and some stability ball work, but not enough to truly count. I guess something is better than nothing, but still... I have got to get my ass back in gear. I train tomorrow... so that should help, then I plan on sitting down and making a schedule to at least every other day actually going to the gym. I am soooo ready for summer and the opening of the new, literally 3 miles away, SUPER gym. Ahhh... no work and water aerobics in a heated pool. What more could a girl want?? weight lift1

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Taxes and other BS.

So I just spent and hour and a half at the tax place... again. The poor preparer probably hates me. Having a house in two states, having pay from two states, having both regular and active duty military, plus a host of other weirdness, does not bode well for ease in preparing our taxes. Last time I left, we owed 981 bucks to federal... I almost flipped. We were getting back a whopping 300 bucks total from the two states. Since our taxes have been screwy since we married, I knew that couldn't be right. Being a DINK family is also a bad thing. I asked if I could claim my Westie's as a deduction, b/c let's face it... I spend as much on them as I would children. The lady told me that she'd try it if I could figure out a way to get them a SS #... hmmm, Idea for next year??

Anywho, after trying everything (can I claim my last colonoscopy as a work related expense??? bwahahaha) under the sun, we finally figured out that we were being double taxed on the 25 K from the military. Once we got that fixed... voila! Refund. Almost 2000. Makes me mad, b/c I hate the gov't holding onto my money... then again, since it goes straight in the IVF fund, it was probably best to let them hold onto it. I enjoy spending. 'Nuff said!

Oh yeah, back to my origional reason for this rambling blog... it cost me 280 bucks to get it prepared. GEESH! It was 350 before I received the military discount. WTF? Highway robbery.

Monday, March 24, 2008


Man, I am loving the spring weather. I just planted my new Crepe Myrtle, weeded the front flower beds, sprayed weed control on the lawn, and raked the remaining leaves! Each time I spray weed control, I get so annoyed at my neighbor. We live in a very manicured subdivision... I chose to move here b/c I hate craptacular lawns. Well, wouldn't you know that the family that moved in across the street doesn't even know how to spell LAWN??

They got rid of the lawn servicing company, which is fine... if they would even half-way maintain it themselves. However, they choose to allow it to look like a frickin' Laura Ingalls Wilder intro. There are more weeds than grass... and that means that the weed seeds and pollen do what... yep, you guessed it they float and/or run on over into MY yard. Yeesh. The sidewalk in front of my house has dandelions growing in the edging area! ACK! I wonder if they would get the idea if I bought a big gallon of "weed control" spray and put it on their front porch... stickpoke

So all morning long, I had to spray THEIR weeds. UGH. I'm gonna take a picture. Yep..b/c no one can fully understand it w/o a picture.

Okay, pic of my lawn into good neighbor's yard... notice still-dormant sod and absence of weeds.

Pic of good, across the street neighbor who has to share property line with dumbass...

And now... for the main event. Please keep in mind, this lawn was perfect two years ago before the laziest family on the planet moved in...



Okay, I'm sure that everyone is thinking that I'm beyond anal about my lawn. Well, I am. Sod is expensive... care of said lawn is, too... so quit being a dumbass and at least think about what your weed-a-polooza is doing to your neighbor!

Don't EVEN get me started on their total lack of fence maintenance. That's another post all in itself. smilies

Anywho... I need to go put down my new mulch. I'll stop bitching, for now.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Who Knew:)

Who knew that I would have so much to say to myself via the Internet? I should have started blogging long ago.

Anywho... Barry called today:) He is the only person who is allowed to call me at 5:30 a.m. on a Saturday and not get a swift kick to the ass. He is doing well, hates the war, loves me, yadda yadda. He requested lotion and razors.... he said that they keep running out of those two things as the shopette. He also said that if they would quit worrying about stocking Nell Carter DVD's, maybe they could keep other more *usable* items in there. I cracked up.

We are counting down the days until September 1st... that is when they will hopefully be packing to come home. Anything after that is just hours:) For the mathematically challenged, that is 163 days to go. 163 sexless days. Kill me now.

On another note, it's almost 2 o'clock and I have been super productive... if you count spending too much money on myself as productive. I have gotten my toes and nails done a pretty Easter pink, I bought Barry his lotion and razors... let's just hope they are used separately! I have also managed to return some perfume to Dillard's, and bought a new scent, I shopped in about 50 places for a new purse but damn it, no one has the one I want. Anyone want to be my personal shopper? I am in need of a Tano purse in Pool Blue. I want either the "french nanny" or "boogie bucket" style. Is that REALLY too much to ask for?? I have been stalking the 4 stores that carry Tano bags. They all happen to be the same store, diffn't location... and apparently, they received 1 of each bag at only one store. They won't special order, fuckers, because they want to keep supply/demand high. They keep trying to sell me the purse in a god awful mustard yellow. It's not happening!! I can't find it online either! Argh. Maybe I'll boycott Tano and Mason's and go back to my original lover, Kate Spade. Hrmmmmph!

I'm out!


Friday, March 21, 2008

Operation: "Breach the Perimeter" is complete!

So, my date with the buttcam is complete. I'm excited to say that I had a good report and now, instead of every 18months, I don't go back for 3 years!!! No new polyps, and everything else stayed the same. I should post pictures, lmao. Everyone secretly wants to see my peachy clean colon, right?? Anywho... I do have a lovely heroin-junkie arm bruise... thanks to the oddly taped IV and the excess tape. Oh well, it gets me sympathy:) ha!

Now, I'm chillin' on the couch and plan on doing a whole lotta nada for the rest of the evening. Yes, I am a Friday night diva... gym shorts and all. Don't be jealous. The drugs weren't that great.

Maybe I will have ice-cream. Diet is back on tomorrow!! Hmmmm...monkey, any kisses left to share??

Thanks for all of the well wishes...

Be back tomorrow with something not written in a groggy, post-valium stupor.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gripe(s) of the Day.

You know.... I miss my DH! Deployments suck. I know that part of signing up means that at somepoint you will be called for duty. HOWEVER!!!!!! If you are National Guard, you sign up to protect THE U.S. !!! Not to fight foreign war... not to wipe Dubya's ass, not to sleep in the flipping desert in a overcrowded tent, not to babysit others who aren't smart enough to take care of themselves. He should be stateside. That is not opinion... it is fact. He did not sign up with the Marines, Navy, Army, etc... he is not a full-time active duty person and he shouldn't be doing his SECOND tour of duty.

Now, onto my second issue:

It's Thursday of spring break.... and instead of enjoying my time off, I get to drink pond scum and stay in the bathroom all day. Yep, lucky me, at the ripe old age of 27 has yet ANOTHER colonoscopy tomorrow. Nope, no history in my family, no reason other than I'm a lucky beotch. Every 18 months, yes, that is considered torture in most countries. As if my PCOS, tubal issues, weight issues, migraines and unwanted hair isn't enough! Let's add colorectal polyps in to make it a good mix. Geesh. My sisters are the picture of health. No weird endocrine issues, no fertility issues, not even money issues... apparently, I was the lucky recepient of all of the above.

So, today will be looong... but tomorrow will suck even more. Think of me when I'm getting intimate with a camera and a guy from India and a room full of nurses. Lucky me.

Until next time....

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Yeah! I'm not a complete computer moron! I figured out how to link this site to my FF page. I sent two PM's asking, but now I don't need it!!

My first blog!!

I guess I fell victim to "everybody's doing it". Big surprise there. I thought this might be a good way for certain loved ones far, far away to get my daily musings and other such nonsense:)

Anywho, this will be my attempt to give updates on both Barry's current deployment fiasco... and a way for people to get updates on the ups and downs of our infertility drama. Right now, it seems to be mainly downs, but I figure there has to be an up at some point...

So now I'm off to figure out how to link this blog to my signature on other sites. That should make for a few hours of entertainment!!

Until then.....