Thursday, July 31, 2008

Visits... but no comments.

I get very few comments on my blog... then again, I don't comment on very many, either. I know that I get hits from all over the world, but I average 1 -2 comments from the same loyal readers... you know who you are. Smooches to you. So, I want to send a few shout-outs... To my readers in Sydney, Australia, and Middle of Nowhere, Gabor... HOLLA!

I will do more shout outs as I feel the need.

Maybe I need to be more interesting. Fuck! I'm already out of ideas. Oh well, I'm sure something will come to me:)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

What's the number for 911?

Seriously. I think that question was asked by a highly-paid military droid. (from now on, in my posts, all things military will be referred to as: IGOR). So Igor sent out not one, not two, but three, large print, too many pictures, no important information fliers, this past week. Igor's newest plan is that military wives need to sit through an 8 hour reintegration briefing. Apparently, this is a MUST do or else Barry will leave me, the war in Iraq will come to a halt, milk will sour, and McCain/Obama will run on one ticket. SRSLY.

This reintegration meeting was not necessary for Barry's first deployment... and he managed to not chop off my head and feed it to the squirrels, but alas, Igor told me that they have new things written in the "how to" manual, so I will be going to the meeting.

This meeting should be swell... they have scheduled 8 meetings across the state of OK... all at churches and such. They will provide lunch and free child care! SCORE!! This means that most persons will bring the entire family and assume that someone else is watching their kid all day. I'm totally psyched.

Anyway, back to the letters of triplicate. In reading these letters, I discovered that in order to attend the meeting, I must register online or by calling a 1-866 number. I decided to go online. Big mistake. Since I have not registered for a user name on, I cannot access the area for registration. In order to register, I need Barry to give the blood of a pigeon to a one-armed monk. Being as that he's not here, I can hardly get him to do that right now. This means that I need to call the 866 number.

I'm praying as the phone rings... PLEASE let me get an human and not need to talk to an IGORbot. I am so pleased when a drab computer voice welcomes me to IGOR007... phone operation system. I am annoyed when it tells me to "enter my pin at any time". So, in the spirit of all things IGOR, I start pushing random numbers in hopes of guessing someone's, no make that anyone's pin. I then scream, "operator", "main menu", and "asshole" into the phone. Based on the dial tone, I am guessing that those are not my pin, either.

I then dig through all of my IGOR paperwork to find a phone number for a human being. After 10- minutes I reach Heather. She proceeds to tell me that she is so sorry.... (I laready knew that), the letter that was signed and sent by IGOR has a few numbers transversed.... I will need to call a new 866 number to register for the training.

She follows up with making sure that I received a copy of Igor's very useful, albeit completely moronic and unhelpful, newsletter. I refrain from asking her if I hadn't received it in triplicate, then how could i possibly have known about the pin-code fiasco. I nicely said "yes"...

I have now left a message with a "hotline" for Igor to call me back.
Man, I love Igor.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Days to go. That is the countdown for Barry's flight out of hell. I mean, Iraq. This date is the only one that has been uttered for more than a week, so I'm sticking with it until it changes, lmao. The last two months always seems to fly by, which is fab. I start back to work on the 11th, so that makes the days go by faster, as well.

I just booked Barry's surprise 35th birthday trip. (The good thing about him being in Iraq is that I know he doesn't read my blog!) We will be spending a week in New Orleans! He has wanted to go foreveah... and I've always put him off b/c I have been. Anyway, I decided that his birthday is as good of a day as any!! I plan to wrap the itinerary and that will be his present.

My mom will keep the mutts, a good friend will house sit... so other than planning a few "tours", we are all set. We are going to have dinner at Emeril's one night... yum! We plan to do a vampire/ghost tour, a few cemetery tours, maybe a swamp tour, and hopefully, a plantation tour.

Any other "must do's"??? This will be my first trip since Katrina, so I am interested to see the changes! Woo Hoo.. VACATION. It's 4 months away!!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Bad Things Happen In Threes...


#1. So some jackass decided to use their entire body weight while opening the car door into MINE. Good grief, WTF? I was parked in a handicapped spot b/c of my mother. Those spaces are what 15 feet wide?? Any idiot could park far enough away to keep from hitting me, but nope. I have a nice big dent in the passenger side front door. It's obnoxious, but not bad enough to deal with insurance. I'm pissed.

#2, So we had big winds from the storm last weekend. I head a weird boom outside, but didn't think anything of it. Needless to say, when my neighbor rang my doorbell and asked if I had looked at my lawn, I panicked. I about died when I saw that the weird noise was my maple tree splitting in half! Holy shit, are you kidding me? The neighbors with the Bradford Pear Trees... the dumbest tree in America, no problem. Me, 10 year old maple, snapped like a twig. This past week, I spent writing check to everyone and their brother's dog to remove the stump, haul the tree, replace and plant a new tree. If this one breaks, I plan to pour cement over my entire yard and just throw some plastic flowers in for looks.

#3, I'm pretty sure that my washer is dying a slow death. It has been talking to me in squeals and groans for over a week. I refuse to replace it until the bitch sucks in her last breath. I am hoping that this will hold off until Barry gets home in October. If not I may have one hell of a dry cleaning/laundry bill.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Back in the saddle...

of my diet. I was doing FAB... until Barry came home and then I let myself slip. I haven't gained any back, but I haven't lost an ounce, either. After Barry's return, was my birthday, followed by the 4th. Wowzers, I didn't just fall off of the wagon, I let it run me over.getting run over blinkie

Anyhoo, I am back 100% on plan TODAY. I have lost the weight doing a healthier version of Atkins, so I'm back to that. The first three days always sucks, so I'm crabby. Good thing I can stay home and not piss others off... it may be a different story on MSG boards, tho. bwhahaha.

I have also been a big slacker on working out since summer break. Sure, I get exercise by doing gardening, playing with the nephews and swimming, but it's still not the same. I am so ready for the gym about 2 miles from my house to open. The are projecting an August opening date. I'm so excited. Until then, I'm planning to walk the neighborhood every other night until I get back into the swing of things. Tonight is Day One of "Mission: Get Head Out of Ass".

Wish me luck.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Happy LONG Weekend!!!

Wow, I will need a week for sleep after this holiday weekend! I have several BBQ's, a day of shopping, 3 days of eating;) and 3 night of fireworks to attend. I love it!

Be safe and enjoy our INDEPENDENCE!!!