Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Back from my trip!

My trip to San Antonio was great and horrible all the same. The kids were adorable, as always... the weather was nice, the festival was great... but the trip ended with my Mom and Sis getting into a HUGE, tear the family apart, nether will admit guilt, knock-down-drag-out.

Lovely. Both have called me and my other sis a bazillion times to rehash their side of the story... both of which is somewhere in the middle of true and false. How in the hell do I stay out of something this big?

I can see a bit of each side... but tend to think that my mother's reasoning is *more* valid.

Feck, help! I'm about to block both of them from my cell phone!

On a better note, I did a bit of shopping for my proposed skinny pics. I will be smokin'. I also bought a new swimsuit... and it is very obvious that I've lost weight! Go me! I did 3 miles on the treadmill today, and followed that up with a major leg workout. I will be hurtin' tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Where does the time go?

I have been searching for a few things on the internet, loading pictures to photobucket and just generally spending too much time on the computer. As I was digging through my digital camera pictures, I found a few scans of HPT's from when I first got excited about the possibility of a BFP. I can clearly remember how "green" I was to infertility. It never crossed my mind that it could/would happen to me. Granted, I knew that I had PCOS, but doctors have told me for years that with the magical pill, Clomid, I would have so many babies that I'd take up residence in a shoe.

As I looked at the scans I noticed that they were so obviously negative that it was crazy for me to even hope. I gladly got pulled into WTT and the feeding frenzy that ensues when someone posts a STARK white "do you see it" picture. In a way, I miss being that girl. The one who dutifully took my meds, had many a date with the dildocam, and made sure to fork over a gazillion bucks to get the chance for a doctor to "bypass my cervix". At the time, Clomid was Latin for "instant BFP". Now, I realize that BFP is and acronym for... "Better Forget Pregnancy", and Clomid is Latin for... "not in this lifetime".

I find that I have settled in the role of infertile hag, very well. I am annoyed easily, I fret about the what-if's, I over analyze the why-nots, I feel copious amounts of jealousy for people that I have never met... and then I an ridden with guilt for those feelings.

Just today at work, I looked at a few of our students who have more siblings than their parents have good sense, and it made me incredibly sad. I work in an area where the families are 200% poverty. That is 12K for a family of four. The reality is that, though they cannot afford more children, they can't bring themselves to stop having them.

I have wondered if they are living a better life than I, poverty and all... because even though they have nothing in comparison to most, they have the one thing I have been unable to obtain~~ the love of a child. Maybe jealousy goes both ways.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I feel accomplished!

First of all... I talked to Barry this morning! He sounds exhausted and he has caught a bad case of homesick. He can tell you the exact number of days they have been there, how many till they hope to come home, etc. If he doesn't get leave, we're hoping that they will start packing up shop in August.. to be back stateside in early September and back home by late September. Anyway, he says thanks in advance for any care packages. I think he enjoys opening them more than the stuff inside!

Now for my feeling of accomplishment. I just got home from our local Race For The Cure. When all was said and done, I logged a little more than 5 miles and I didn't even break a real sweat. I would have been huffing and puffing this time last year, hence the sense of accomplishment. I'm so excited to start noticing how my weight loss is having an effect on more than just my appearance.

The organizers are thinking that we (our local race) will have the first $million dollar event since starting! Each year it has grown, and this year they expected to reach 1 million dollars from Fayetteville, Arkansas. Amazing, isn't it! It was very humbling to see the sea of pink during the survivors parade. Many women of all races, sizes, backgrounds, educations and ages... all walking together with pride on their faces. It was amazing to be amongst such strong women.

I am lucky that I have not had to face breast cancer, nor has any closer family members. However, that doesn't mean I can just sit back and relax. I have friends that face this battle, and I want to show my support.

So, I'll step off of my pretty pink soapbox... and smile because not only did I support a GREAT cause today, I also unearthed a little piece of the old, non-fat version of Vanessa. I knew she was in there... screaming to get out!

Breast Cancer Ribbon

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

my face...

is busted. Blech. My whole fam-Dam-ily took my Papa out to dinner for his 85th last night... and after dinner I was playing with my 18mo old nephew, Van. Well, about 2minutes in... he accidentally headbutted me, straight on, full force, WWF style. Immediate nosebleed, watery eyes and severe pain followed. My yelp was heard for miles. Lovely, everyone in the restaurant looked at me in horror as I ran to the bathroom. (ummm, lady, I didn't get blood in your meatloaf, get over it) yeesh.

Anyhoo, I woke up this morning with my left nostril swollen shut, a beautiful perfectly round bruise on the bridge of my nose, and a nice set of half raccoon eyes. I am lovely. I attempted to cover it with makeup but must not have done a very good job b/c everyone at work today kept looking at t me with that, "who did she piss off", kind of look. Raccoon!

Based on the past few days and my vacations from sites that I won't mention... apparently everyone. Hello! I'm a certified, Grade A, top of the line, SMART ASS. I wouldn't have it any other way... and neither would you!Admit Nothing

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hello, Again.

Great song, bad movie. Anyhoo...

I got to talk to Barry for a nanosecond yesterday. He was made to get off the phone after 3 minutes so they could clean the call center. WTF? I pretty sure that they can clean around the soldiers that have waited for over a week to talk to their loved ones. Besides, how hard could it be to clean a call center? Am I missing something?

Oh well, he sounded very tired, but had some POSSIBLE good news. Apparently, the battalion is slotted to get some additional soldiers to fill in the gaps. If this happens.... drum roll please, Barry may get a two week leave!! EEEKKK.Dancing CowI know, I know... it is stupid for me to get even one ounce of my hope up, but I can't stand it. If he gets leave, not only will I get to bow-chicka-wow-wow... but we can hopefully get the ball rolling on our IVF before the end of the year!!! Our plan is for me to go through the procedure at the beginning of August if at all possible, that way the EDD would be the end of the school year, and I wouldn't have to miss so many days of work during the ER and ET!

The only thing that Barry would miss would be the hormones and the procedure. He is due back int he states hopefully early September, so he is okay with the proposed timeline.

I can already hear the whispers... every person who knows me will be counting 9 months in their head and then when they realize the time of conception is during Barry's deployment... oh lord. Secrets

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


My signature was deleted... again. What gives???

F'em. I'll post my avon link here... and then link my blog from my siggy. Bitches.

The Devil's Exercises...

I am talking about squats and lunges. I call these the devil's exercises... b/c anyone who actually likes the human race would not have thought of them. They are painful. They look so easy, and hurt so badly. If I keep up my hard work, I will be able to crack a walnut with my thighs. No lady purse involved. no no no Mind outta the gutter!!

Speaking of lady purses, I may sell mine on eBay with the header,
"Gently used, one-of-a-kind, lady purse"

The description will include...
"Selling due to lack of use, not due to defect"
"As is, no exchanges or returns if it is not the correct size, shape or color."
"All original parts"
"Needs occasional fringe trim"
"Item comes from a smoke free home"

What do you think?? What should I ask for starting price???

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


I'm back, in full force.... or is it farce? Ah, who cares?? I'm trying to catch up with my lost peeps!

You know that you missed me.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I'm back... well, almost.

My computer fiasco is still just that... I have direct access to my laptop but the tech's worked for over 4 hours yesterday and I still don't have connection to the PC or wireless. Man, I miss Barry... he would have had it fixed in about 10 minutes. It was funny b/c B's boss said, "Too bad Barry's in Iraq, he's our best guy on this stuff." Um, yeah, duh.

So I get the joy of having even more strange men in my house next week. I'm stoked.

Now, onto the real reason for my daily ramble.

As many of you know... I am getting very close to the big 5-0! I have lost 38 lbs, and feel sooo much better. 50 pounds is a heavy 1st grader. 50 pounds is a fat bulldog. 50 lbs is... well, disgusting. Good LAWD, how did I let myself get so fat? I have asked myself that a bazillion times and this is the only logical answer that has come to me.

After months and months of fertility treatments, I have no baby belly to show for it... so it only makes sense that all of the eggs that I produced have joined in a effort to make my ass grow in lieu of my uterus. My eggs are roughly 27.9 years old. They are very intelligent. They have sat through many a biology and anatomy class with me. It is obvious, that while I slept, daydreamed and played on my cell phone, they were paying attention. They hatched a plan to make me pay for all of the abuse and pre-ripening that I have put them through for the past 15 months.

I did not realize that my eggs were so smart... so manipulative. Seeing as that I was ignorant of their plan, what did I do??? I gave them months of STEROIDS! AHHH!!! No only did I produce more soldiers, but they were also stronger than their leaders. No wonder I ballooned to a baby elephant before realizing what had happened. The leaders made many a sneak attack during those 15 months. My ass grew slowly, but surely, in every direction.

See, I know this story to be true, b/c once I took away the steroids and have not been pushing my eggs out before they are destined to make an appearance... I have done nothing but lose weight. There you have it. Happy, undisturbed eggs make for skinny asses. The end.

Unhappy eggs=fat ass.

fat ass
ETA: unknown ass. Thankfully, not mine.

Undisturbed, sleeping eggs= happy ass.

Kiss Ass

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Stone Age...

That is my current status. Damn the storm. I managed to lose a modem, router... and now my laptop is "terminal"... lovely.

I have a new modem and router, but the PC won't recognize the new router, so I'm without wireless. Kill me now. I do not do well at a desk. I need to be able to roam, laptop at my side.

Think of me as you check your e-mail without hassle.

I'll be back.... suckas!