So I get the joy of having even more strange men in my house next week. I'm stoked.
Now, onto the real reason for my daily ramble.
As many of you know... I am getting very close to the big 5-0! I have lost 38 lbs, and feel sooo much better. 50 pounds is a heavy 1st grader. 50 pounds is a fat bulldog. 50 lbs is... well, disgusting. Good LAWD, how did I let myself get so fat? I have asked myself that a bazillion times and this is the only logical answer that has come to me.
After months and months of fertility treatments, I have no baby belly to show for it... so it only makes sense that all of the eggs that I produced have joined in a effort to make my ass grow in lieu of my uterus. My eggs are roughly 27.9 years old. They are very intelligent. They have sat through many a biology and anatomy class with me. It is obvious, that while I slept, daydreamed and played on my cell phone, they were paying attention. They hatched a plan to make me pay for all of the abuse and pre-ripening that I have put them through for the past 15 months.
I did not realize that my eggs were so smart... so manipulative. Seeing as that I was ignorant of their plan, what did I do??? I gave them months of STEROIDS! AHHH!!! No only did I produce more soldiers, but they were also stronger than their leaders. No wonder I ballooned to a baby elephant before realizing what had happened. The leaders made many a sneak attack during those 15 months. My ass grew slowly, but surely, in every direction.
See, I know this story to be true, b/c once I took away the steroids and have not been pushing my eggs out before they are destined to make an appearance... I have done nothing but lose weight. There you have it. Happy, undisturbed eggs make for skinny asses. The end.
Unhappy eggs=fat ass.
ETA: unknown ass. Thankfully, not mine.
Undisturbed, sleeping eggs= happy ass.
7 comments:
Mine started creeping on when we started dealing with the IF when trying for G, I was able to lose some of it and then the battle got harder when fighting for A and the bulge grew again. It just sneaks up on you, which is so weird to say. B is going to love your happy booty, he loved your old one too. ;)
I'm with Lisa on the 'objectionable content" page. I was thinking "WTF did she put on here?". Is there a mystery link somewhere?
LOL. The objectional content is just in case I decide to publish pictures of piss food or ewcm . You just need to be warned. Plus it makes everyone read just to see what Ive posted:)
I'm glad your "mostly" back! I like your posts.
It made me happy that you could make a fun, light-hearted post (even if it was about something so serious in our lives).
I got worried over the "objectional content" thing, wondering if the link I have to your post somehow got changed and I was going to someone else's blog!
P.S. Congrats on getting close to the 5-0! Hopefully I'll be able to say the same thing in a few months!
Congrats on getting so close the big 5-0, it'll be here before you know it!
This post totally explained my fat ass syndrome, it's my unhappy/non existant eggs. Whew, I was beginning to think it was all the M&Ms I've been eating all these years!
:D
Congrats on getting close to 50!! Woohoo!
I think my eggs are just plain pissed at me. ;)
Yer so funny!
My fat ass is directly related to my 6 years of IF.
Since we started TTC, I've gained 70+ pounds.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge.
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