Thursday, May 29, 2008

Bittersweet Visit

For those of you who I haven't gotten around to telling... Barry will be coming home today for approximately 2 weeks. I am very happy to see him but saddened by the reason for his visit.

Barry's father is gravely ill and will not be with us much longer. He is currently at his home with hospice care. Hospice is administering pain management only at this time. He has not eaten for days, and refuses any type of help with nutrition.

Please say a prayer that Barry will be home in time to talk with his father before he passes.

I'l be gone for a few days from here, but will update soon.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Letters I never send...

Wow, work has really gotten in the way of my blogging lately. The good news is that we only have 6 more days of school! I am so excited to start my summer, but I'm also bummed that Barry won't be here. We spend so much time together in the outdoors...I always notice his absence more when I'm playing or working outside.

Anyway, the reason for this entry is something completely different. I find that I have been writing Barry quite a few letters lately... letters that I have not sent. These letters are pages of my feelings, insecurities about everything and about our struggle with IF. When I write them, I feel like it is a way for me to get out what I would say to him if he were here... yet I can't bring myself to put them in the mail. I feel that he has enough on his plate without worrying that I'm catching the next train to the crazy farm. Instead, I write these letters, put them away, and then start over and write a letter that is full of surface information only. I don't know what this says about me. I have no issue with sharing my feelings with Barry. We are very open and honest, yet I feel the need to protect him while he is not just my husband, but a soldier.

Maybe when he gets home I will give them to him.... then again, probably not.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!!

I'm doing a dance today. I had my repeat HSG today. My right tube is open... and beautiful:)

I was so nervous that it would be blocked, but the dye went through so easily I was almost shocked. That means we can try injects before moving on to IVF!!!! I can't wait to tell Barry! We might get to have a baby the sort-of old fashioned way. Well, old fashioned meaning there will be sex with my husband... instead of a man in a lab mixing everything up in a petri dish!

Now I just need to get my hubby home!

Friday, May 9, 2008

My personality...

I realize that I am a bit too outspoken, brutally honest and overly sarcastic. Sorry to say, I think I might spontaneously combust if I weren't being a sarcastic jackass. I have had a few people as of late try to say that my type of humor is inappropriate. You know what? Screw them. I have come to realize that most people that don't like me... aren't smart enough to understand my jokes. Well, the joke is on them. Yes, I shoot my mouth off quite often, but you know what, I am a genuinely nice person. I can listen, give great advice, respect differing opinions and laugh at myself. I have been letting the negativity of others make me second guess myself lately and it pisses me off. This is me, plain and simple. Take me or leave me. I refuse to "take it down a notch". You either get all or none of me. Man. I feel better already! Don't recruit me for fun, and then bash me on the other side.

Second, WTF is up with the jealousy and name calling regarding friendships and cliques?? Yes, in life, there will be groups of people that migrate toward the same things. It's called common sense. Not everyone will get along. Not everyone will like you, me, her, him or any of our opinions. Get over it. If you don't like me or my clique, then move your ass along. You can't have the best of both worlds. You get us or you don't. Don't ask us to leave and then get pissy because we have chosen to carry on our fun outside of your area. Why is it that the person who sits on the bench always knows how to play the game better than those on the court??? Cliques are not groups of people that drew the same lottery numbers, we're people who TALK to others, we put ourselves out there to find friendships. If you have a problem with friendships that do not include you, step it up and see if you'd fit in. We're fun... I was the new girl once upon a time. Now I'm that annoying one;)


If you have no clue what I'm harping about... consider yourself lucky. If you do know, either join in on the fun, or put your jealousy card away b/c we're not accepting them at this time.

Sunday, May 4, 2008


It never ends.

I have a sickness. I get a wild hair to clean something... then I get sidetracked and there is a huge mess behind me. aaaccck! Today I decided to go through our bathroom and get rid of any 1/2 used, old or just unliked products. So I have my trash bin, my give to someone bin and my maeb I should try this one more time bin. Well, as you may have guessed, that's the one that gets me in trouble.

I now have lime citrus smelling hands, (decided to keep), way too crunchy hair(toss out that spray), smooth feet (give to mom... it smells too fruity) and a variety of other things that have played musical bin. I may naver have to buy soap, lotion or hair serum again.

Am I the only person who has a "product problem"??? Say it isn't so. I don't ever think I am over buying... but whoa! It's outta control. I would take a picture, but you'd swear it was a walmart isle.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Friday night...

and I'm blogging. My life is sad. Is it October, yet?? Speaking of my hubby, he called a few minutes ago. It was odd b/c he never calls me on a Friday night, I was surprised... and damn thankful that I had my phone on me and not in my purse, on vibrate, which is the usual.

Anyhoo, he and I talked for a while and it was so clear and "normal" that it was almost like he was on his way home from work. Usually, the connection sucks, I can hear other soldiers in the background and he is really rushed to get back to the grind. Tonight was none of the above. He actually brought up the IVF stuff. It was such a relief b/c up until this point, it has always been me initiating that part of our convo's and I can't help but feel as if I have a little naysayer on my shoulder reminding me to question his want for the next step.

Tonight he basically said that he is doing everything in his power to get leave so that we can possibly get started before school starts back. Once they hear about "planned" leave... if he is on the no-go list, he plans to talk to the chaplain and explain our situation. I was very touched, happy, humbled, thankful, and overjoyed that he is finally showing me that he is just as much on board as I am. I jokingly told him that my want for his biological child was really putting a kink in my plans. Good thing he thinks I'm funny.

He sends many thanks to ALL who have sent care packages... he especially enjoys the iDog.