Wednesday, July 30, 2008

What's the number for 911?

Seriously. I think that question was asked by a highly-paid military droid. (from now on, in my posts, all things military will be referred to as: IGOR). So Igor sent out not one, not two, but three, large print, too many pictures, no important information fliers, this past week. Igor's newest plan is that military wives need to sit through an 8 hour reintegration briefing. Apparently, this is a MUST do or else Barry will leave me, the war in Iraq will come to a halt, milk will sour, and McCain/Obama will run on one ticket. SRSLY.

This reintegration meeting was not necessary for Barry's first deployment... and he managed to not chop off my head and feed it to the squirrels, but alas, Igor told me that they have new things written in the "how to" manual, so I will be going to the meeting.

This meeting should be swell... they have scheduled 8 meetings across the state of OK... all at churches and such. They will provide lunch and free child care! SCORE!! This means that most persons will bring the entire family and assume that someone else is watching their kid all day. I'm totally psyched.

Anyway, back to the letters of triplicate. In reading these letters, I discovered that in order to attend the meeting, I must register online or by calling a 1-866 number. I decided to go online. Big mistake. Since I have not registered for a user name on IGORNEEDSAREALJOB.com, I cannot access the area for registration. In order to register, I need Barry to give the blood of a pigeon to a one-armed monk. Being as that he's not here, I can hardly get him to do that right now. This means that I need to call the 866 number.

I'm praying as the phone rings... PLEASE let me get an human and not need to talk to an IGORbot. I am so pleased when a drab computer voice welcomes me to IGOR007... phone operation system. I am annoyed when it tells me to "enter my pin at any time". So, in the spirit of all things IGOR, I start pushing random numbers in hopes of guessing someone's, no make that anyone's pin. I then scream, "operator", "main menu", and "asshole" into the phone. Based on the dial tone, I am guessing that those are not my pin, either.

I then dig through all of my IGOR paperwork to find a phone number for a human being. After 10- minutes I reach Heather. She proceeds to tell me that she is so sorry.... (I laready knew that), the letter that was signed and sent by IGOR has a few numbers transversed.... I will need to call a new 866 number to register for the training.

She follows up with making sure that I received a copy of Igor's very useful, albeit completely moronic and unhelpful, newsletter. I refrain from asking her if I hadn't received it in triplicate, then how could i possibly have known about the pin-code fiasco. I nicely said "yes"...

I have now left a message with a "hotline" for Igor to call me back.
Man, I love Igor.

2 comments:

Thoughtful said...

Don't you just love IGOR?

I'm sorry you are having problems with it but I hope it all works out and the it isn't too boring!

Anonymous said...

Igor.... LOL now see i read it as IGNORE! That's what my mind does so do you see why it's so hard for me to read? !!LOL IGOR! LOL!!!! Smooch Barry will come home and things will need adjustment but you already knew that.